Here is a story - dignified and refined - and hopefully the lesson will stay with you for a long time.
Once there lived a woman who loved baked beans. She loved them, but unfortunately, they didn't love her. They always caused a very embarrassing and somewhat "lively" reaction. Need I say more?
One day she met a man and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry she thought, "He is such a sweet and dignified gentleman. He would NEVER go for this carrying on." Thus, she made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Married life was bliss.
Some months later her car broke down on the way home from work. Since she lived in the country, she called her husband and told him that she would be late because she had to walk home. On her way, she passed a small diner, and the aroma of baked beans was more than she could resist. It was her birthday, and since she still had miles to walk, she figured that she might as well treat herself to her favorite food since she would walk off any ill effects by the time she reached home. So she stopped at the diner and before she knew it, she had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home she putt-putted, and upon arriving home she felt reasonably sure she could control it.
Her husband seemed excited to see her and exclaimed delightedly, "Darling, I have a surprise for dinner tonight!" He then blindfolded her and led her to her chair at the table. Wondering what special treat he had planned for her birthday, she seated herself and just as he was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. He made her promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned. He then went to answer the phone.
The baked beans she had consumed were still affecting her, and the pressure was becoming almost unbearable. So while her husband was out of the room she seized the opportunity, shifted her weight to one leg and let it go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill.
She took her napkin and fanned the air around her vigorously. Then, she shifted to the other cheek and ripped three more, which reminded her of cooked cabbage. Keeping her ears tuned to the phone conversation in the other room, she went on like this for another ten minutes.
When the telephone farewells signaled the end of her freedom, she fanned the air a few more times with her napkin, placed it on her laps and folded her hands upon it, smiling contentedly to herself. She was the picture of refinement when her husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked her if she had peeked, and she assured him that she had not.
At this point, he removed the blindfold, and was she surprised!
There were twelve dinner guests seated around the table to wish her a "Happy Birthday!"